There’s No Santa and I’m a Horrible Mom

Yesterday was Easter, and while we are certainly grateful for the rising of Christ, it was pretty non-descript around our crib.  Church is always too crowded on Easter so we take a little vacay. Judge me, I don’t care.  Anyway, there were no new Easter frolics, no egg hunts, no Easter Baskets.  The latter of these things has been rubbing Aidan the wrong way for quite some time now. He’s been wondering why on earth the Easter Bunny always skips his house.

Well, it’s because despite my good intentions every year, I’ve just never made him a basket. Reason I’m a horrible Mom number 1. So I figured that after all these years of not getting one, he’d get used to it. Reason number 2. However, on Sunday as we were riding past church on the way to Walmart, he asked me straight out, point blank, if the reason his Easters are lackluster is because I’m the Easter Bunny (this is directly related to how he found out I’m the tooth fairy – remind me to tell you that one day).

So, I admitted it. Yes. I’m the Easter Bunny, or, in this situation, the lack thereof. But I made sure that I mentioned that Daaaaddy was also 1/2 of the Easter Bunny, so he should share in the empty Easter blame as.well.  And Aidan took it well. At first, he made a little sad face, but I think he really felt better that this fictional character wasn’t disappointed in him, his Mom was just a slacker. I’ll take it.

But then.

It took a turn for the worse. He said “Wait a minute. If you’re the Easter Bunny, are you also Santa?”

Uh oh.

I froze. Which, to Aidan, was a clear indication that I am, indeed, Santa Claus. Now, Christmases are generally pretty good around these parts, so I didn’t feel the need to mention Daaaaddy’s part in the Santa shenanigans. The boy had already suffered enough for one day. Then he looks like he’s going to cry. Oh, no. He says, “So if Santa isn’t real, then how did I talk to him on the phone in second grade?” Crap, he remembered that.

I was already in hot water, so I just told. “Well, your teacher sent a note home and told us to tell her the things you were going to get, and to tell her one naughty thing, and one nice thing. Then she gave our lists to one of her friends who called and said he was Santa. He looks incredulous. I look very sorry for having to break this news to him, but enough of the lies, doggoneit!!

“So, it was you? Mom, why did you tell Santa bad things about me? Why weren’t you loyal to me?”  At this point, I am FREAKING.OUT. “What? What do you mean?” “Ma, when Santa called I was the only one he said negative things about. He said on the phone that I didn’t clean my room and he didn’t say bad things about anyone else! And you told him that!?”

Then I remembered that day. He was right. Santa did say nice things about him, but I remember he cried because Santa mentioned his naughtiness in front of all his friends.

Why didn’t I just make the freaking Easter Basket???

Y’all. There was nothing I could say, even though I considered saying that Daaaddy filled out the paper. I just told him that I was sorry and that when I told his teacher that, I didn’t know it would make him feel bad, but it was still true (and it still is today, but it would be mean to point that out in this very delicate moment).  And I reminded him that even though his room wasn’t always spic and span, he always got whatever he wanted for Christmas, so that meant that Mom and Dad were very proud of him. He seemed okay with it, I felt like the worst Mom ever.

Then for the rest of the day I bought him whatever he wanted and had to play Monopoly Empire about 7 times and let him win. Let’s just call it the Santa tax.

Posted in The Mommy Files | 6 Comments


A student asked me on March 25 what she could do to get her grade up. She’s failing, but she admitted that she hadn’t had a lot of time to do school work because she’d been busy planning her wedding that was earlier in the month.  Problem was, half her assignments hadn’t been turned in. My advice to her was “Turn in your assignments.” Because….duh. The late period, posted in class since day one, explained that you can submit work all the way up and through week 11. Sunday, I stayed up till 1am grading the slew of late work that they had bum-rushed me with. When I was done, I emailed this to everyone:

Hi Guys!

I have graded all of the late work that has been submitted during weeks 1-10. This work can only be submitted through Week 11, so the late period has officially ended. The only assignments that you can still submit now are quizzes, Week 11 late work, and Week 12 work.

All of your work has to be done by SATURDAY when the course ends, so make sure that you get in what you can!

You get it? I mean, you understand that, right?  I woke up Monday morning to the above student’s FOUR late assignments, and her email that said:

ok I have submitted everything that could thanks again for allowing me to go back submit my late work.

That’s what it said, verbatim, word for word. Thanks again for allowing? Where did I allow?

Now y’all see why I have to walk away. There’s reasons.

Posted in Unsmartables! | 6 Comments

The P.A. System does The Amazing Race Memphis



One day I was looking at my Google Cards, and one of the upcoming events was the Memphis 2014 Great Amazing Race. Now, I LOVE the Amazing Race. So, when I read up and realized that it was good for kids as well, it was decided in about 1 minute that Aidan and I would do it. So, team “P.A. System” (get it?) was born, and we were off to the races!

Aidan is like me in that he’ll try anything. He’s also like me in that he likes to win. A lot. We went in for a win, but along the way we decided we’d just have fun.

We started at the starting line up and took off to the first station. By took off I mean I ran for about 3 minutes, then I couldn’t run anymore. So, instantly, we were in the back of the pack.  When we got to the first station, we had to make our way around an obstacle course in two baskets without letting our feet or hands touch the ground.  Y’all. We were killing them in our baskets — until one false move caused us to fall. And just like that, we were back in the back with the team of two kindergartners. *womp* I kept telling Aidan I was sorry for making us fall, but he said “Mom, it’s okay, as long as we finish.” And we did.

On to the next one. Aidan made me pace myself so I could get a good steady jog going. But he knows I hate running, so he said “Mom, if we need to stop it’s okay.” So we ran, then walked, then ran some more. At the next station, we had to count all of these poles that were sticking in the ground. Except you had to do it from about 10 feet away. We developed our strategy and got to counting. My strategy was to stand there and listen to other teams agree on numbers. Once I was pretty solid that enough people agreed on a certain number, I turned our number in to the judge, and we were right!  Then I had to run again.

Next, we had to paint faces. The result was what you see above. We did an excellent and speedy job on the face paint station, and by then we were back in the middle. Yeahhhh, boyyyy!!! But then, I had to run again.

Let me just tell you that all this running was taking place after we’d had a torrential downpour the two days before. So, in addition to running, I was running through mud in very wet shoes and socks. Now. Feel my pain. And we were only halfway done.

On the next one, I had to carry Aidan on my back while we relayed to fill up this bucket of water with a sponge. Other teams were trying to go fast, but the key was to get as much water in the sponge as you could, then get low to the ground and squeeze it out. We did thet!! But, by then??? I thought I could probably die. And I was wet from Aidan getting water on me. And I was frozen. And Tim found this completely hilarious as he watched.

Fast forward to the last one. We were still making good time, and we got to a letter challenge. Now, y’all know me and Aidan were going to kill any word game. We breezed through that joint so fast they didn’t even know we were there. Let me tell you that when we got approval from the judge, we took off to the finish line so.quick. And we finished in 61 minutes, 49 seconds.

We had a blast.

I always knew Aidan was a cool kid, but the way he was making sure that I was okay was so adorable. And as much as he likes to win, he said “Mom, I don’t care if we come in last, this is the best day ever. I’m having so  much fun doing this with you!” But, when we got to the last leg, he said “Mom, you have to push yourself. You can do it.” And I did. I’m glad that we did it. I’m glad that we did it together. And, if we make the top 25 teams, we get to race again in New Orleans. I promised him that we would, and I promised him that if we made it, I would run with him and I wouldn’t stop.  And I will. And I won’t.

In New Orleans? We win!

Posted in The Mommy Files | 16 Comments

On Mr. Hackett

I was looking at blogs yesterday and someone had a 30 day challenge. I decided I’d do it. Okay, try it.  I won’t tell you what every day is, because I don’t want to get you excited. But, today is the day you’re supposed to talk about your current relationship. Which is okay with me, because I just so happen to be in a very current relationship.

Now, this guy I’m in a relationship with is an okay guy. I mean, I’m maybe not the easiest person to do life with, but he manages to endure it and even smile about it sometimes. Ooh, there was this one time when I left dog food on the floor and ants got in the house and he was pissed because he always says “Put the dog food up.” But he just said “I’ll spray the house for ants tomorrow.”  Then, there was this other time when I ran into the side of the house and got paint from the garage all over my car. But the next day he just said “I buffed out your car.”  Then, there was this other time that he had some games to do that paid cash, but I said “My Grandma’s birthday party is that weekend…”  So, he just said “Okay, let me know when we’re leaving.”  Then, while we were there I got sick and all he wanted to do was lie in the hotel recliner and watch the Final Four. He hates it when I call it the Final Four, by the way, because that’s not the proper name for it. But anyway, I really needed some Nyquil. So he went to get it. Then, I realized I also really needed a chicken sandwich. And he got that, too. Then, when he made it back, Aidan and his cousins really wanted McDonald’s. So, he took them.

He’s cool like that.

Sometimes I talk about the same things over and over when I know he’s tired of listening. But, he just says “Are you talking for me to listen, or do you need solutions?”  Either way, he doesn’t care. And sometimes I can’t make dinner, but when I come home it’s done.  And sometimes, I just look at him and smile when he’s mad, and he says “What is WRONG with you?” But then, he smiles, too.

So, he’s cool like that, too.

If I think some more, I could tell a lot of these stories. What I hope is that if he thinks, he could tell a lot of stories about me, too.

Yeah. That’s what I hope.

Posted in Wifey. | 9 Comments